“The essence of commerce is self-interest.”

I first heard those words very early in my career spoken by a much older man with a strong New York accent. I don’t know why that phrase struck such a chord with me. Maybe because I was younger, more naive and felt the statement was very brash. Maybe even a bit cold.

At the time I took the statement to be a sophisticated way of saying, “Screw you.” And maybe it was, but the comment took on a new meaning to me when I heard it again. This time the phrase was coming out of my mouth. It caught me by surprise in the same way I nearly pass out when I catch my reflection and see my mother’s face.

I mentor other recruiters and as part of the coaching process, they record some of their phone calls and send them to me for critique. Several of these pups were getting dismal results from their marketing calls so I specifically had them send me a half dozen live connects with prospects so I could understand what was going wrong in the calls.

They had real energy on these calls. They sounded upbeat, optimistic, excited. They were clearly prepared with a pitch and spoke with great passion and conviction about the top shelf candidates they had surfaced just waiting to be hired by these fortunate companies. These calls were shining examples of how to execute a marketing call…in a different market.

The energy and enthusiasm of the recruiter was met quite often with a much more subdued tone and tenor from the client. The recruiter spoke with an evangelical zeal about their candidate as a “difference maker” to a client who responded with some angst about the very difficult decisions their company faced.

The bottom-line is that the recruiter spoke from their own self-interest. Their desire, their need, their urgency to make a placement was palpable. At no point was there any connection or acknowledgement of the client’s interest. The conversation went no where, at least no where good.

“The essence of commerce is self-interest,” I explained to my “students.”

Think about it. If you were having lunch with a friend who told you they had just been laid off, would you buzz past that piece of information and gush about the great sale currently in progress at Saks? Not if you’re a good friend. A good friend would take in that news, listen empathetically and offer assistance.

The same is true of marketing calls today. Take time to listen. I mean REALLY listen to your client. If they are expressing anxiety or pain–hang out with them for a minute in that pain. Don’t blow past it. Hang with it. Connect with them at a real level, the way you would a friend. “How is that affecting you personally?”

Only after you have listened to and acknowledged that person’s reality are you in a position to offer assistance. Maybe the candidate you are so jazzed to pitch is the assistance they need. If that’s the case, draw the connection. If not, be prepared to take the conversation a different direction.

This is not my first recession. It won’t be my last. I realized as I visited with a client last week that my relationship with her has survived several downturns in the economy. We know each other. We trust each other. She is going to bat to make an exception to a “national contract” negotiated by her corporate office so we can continue to work together. It’s a relationship built by connecting with her self-interest. The best recruiters understand that their clients’ best interest is their own.

I interviewed my friend, Kathleen Kurke, for Recruiter Earth Radio last week. Kathleen is a top-producing recruiter, owner of a search firm and current president of the Pinnacle Society. Kathleen will be speaking at the Fordyce Forum in June about the conversations your clients want to have with you in this market.

At the heart of Kathleen’s philosophy is an appreciation for getting real with clients, meeting them where they’re at and helping them envision a better future. That better future is one where the hiring freeze has thawed and they’re able to hire the talent they will so desperately need to take their organization to the next level. That better future is one where they will need us more than ever. Every day we’re closer to that “better future.” We just need to make sure we’re having the conversations that build a bridge to that preferred place.

Check back tomorrow for a link to my interview with Kathleen.